Check-in Week Five

1. I did my morning pages on everyday except Sunday and I didn't do about a half a page today because I was daring myself to do something in my morning pages, so I got up and did the thing I was daring myself to do rather than finish writing. I have noticed that I get to a turning point in my morning writing about half way through. Sometimes I come up with interesting insights after that point, but mostly I just whine about having to continue writing.

2. I didn't do an official artist date this week, but I did get to go clothing shopping and revamp parts of my wardrobe. I bought a really wild purple dress. I wonder when I'll get to wear it in public. And I did get out to the movies - the first time in months. It felt great to get out of the house for awhile on both occasions. No, I haven't done anything really adventurous. I wish I could think of something adventurous to do.

3. I have had lots of things fall into place for me as I've thought about them. And I habitually talk to my friends about the blessings I receive when I ask God for them. My favourite is telling people to pray before they go shopping. I have had the most amazing miracles come my way. My favourite was the the time that I dreamed that I went to the Salvation Army and there was a huge children's book sale on. When I woke up in the morning, I hadn't heard of a sale, but I was like - I should just get up and go. I could probably find a couple kids books there even if there isn't a sale. There was. I got 'One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish' for ten cents and a whole bunch of other books too. Really, I have countless stories about this.

4. There is something else that has been happening lately. I've been having dreams about old friends. I had a friend in school that I have always wanted to apologize to and I've never had the chance. I had a dream a week or two ago that I saw her and told her I was sorry. It was so strange, but in my dream, she told me that it was nothing to worry about and she was sorry that I'd been bothered by it for so long. And when I woke up - I realized that was exactly what she would say. I felt instantly lighter and happier.

I also had a dream that I told one of my friends from high school that I was hurt when she moved away after graduation. I remember helping her pack and I knew that once she left I would probably never see her again. I remember walking away from her house and squashing my hurt so far down into my stomach that I couldn't even feel it. I thought I had successfully severed the feeling until I had that dream. Then I knew I hadn't got rid of it even though I tried because I felt the sting all over again. I really was hurt. And it felt great to get it off my chest.

I've had a few others too, but those were the most remarkable.

Oh, and it's amazing how cowardly I turn when I'm about to send in my first manuscript - to a company who has asked for it no less. My knees are shaking.