Worked Up

Okay, so my upload date for 'Mark of a Goddess' is usually Wednesday night around midnight, but when I tried to upload this week, it didn't work. No error message. No note from admin at ff.net telling me that I sucked and was having my priviledges revoked for a week or a month or something. Nothing. So, I sent a ticket to the bug people and asked them what was wrong. They'll look into it when they have a chance.

I also have an account at mediaminer.org on the side, but how to say? MY STORY DOESN'T GET A LOT OF ATTENTION THERE! It has gotten pretty good feedback for that site, but good feedback for mediaminer is like 4 reviews and not per chapter - for the WHOLE story.

Okay, so I set up my forum on ff.net before I went to upload the chapter. And in case you didn't know it, once I set up the topic thread, even though I have administration rights - I still can't remove it. So, people went to the forum and seemed sad that they couldn't read the chapter. Not even very many people acted sad and I caved and told everyone that if they really wanted to read it then they could private message me and I would let them read the chapter - my whole plan being to direct people one by one to mm.org. I decided that this would be a reasonable sacrifice because I'd know who was going to read it (because they PMed me) and then even though my review count on ff.net would suffer, maybe I could get five or six people to review on mm.org for 'Mark of a Goddess' which currently has no reviews. So, then the next thing I know someone is announcing on my ff.net forum where everyone can see the chapter.

I got totally RIPPED OFF! So now anyone will know where to get it. I wrote a cranky message on the forum but it came no where near expressing how tanked I was that I got so totally ripped off. So, no one reviewed on mm.org and they're talking about the chapter on ff.net - ARGH! How unethical! It's my fault, so I feel even worse.

You know, I don't write so that I can have people's validation. I would write if I lived on a deserted planet with no one but fish for company, but I definitely upload my stories on the internet for feedback and approval and comments. I feel like I work really hard to give my readers a good story that will be fun to read and today I feel completely shafted.

Yeah, I'm probably going to lose one of my best reviewers because of this mess, but you know how many damn people are reading this story who aren't giving any feedback at all? It's shocking and disgusting. When I look at my hit counts, I know I'm being totally screwed over. Even my best friend's little sister faithfully reads every week, but I never hear a peep out of her - and she even friggin' knows me!

Everyone knows how valuable reviews are and they withhold them because they want to make their own work look better, so they can't review for a popular story without making it seem even more popular. But people want to read the popular stories, because they know they'll be a good read. I am DEAD serious when I say that if I read anything, I review EVERY CHAPTER. I think it's only common courtesy and not doing it makes writers hypocrites when they're pleased to get reviews themselves. I thank people who read my work and but my real way of thanking them is to review every chapter I read. If it kept my attention long enough for me to finish the chapter, then it deserves something!!

Yeah, I'm really mad! And I'm also really sick today, so I might not be behaving rationally.

I mean my story isn't really an important thing in the grand scheme of things. It's just a stupid little story that I'm writing to try to prep myself for bigger and better things, but at the same time - I really put a lot of time into it - and so in lots of ways, it seems like my life. It's crap like this that makes me want to give up MoaG and go straight to 'Ghost Mist'. I've decided to open a fanstory.com account when chapter one is ready. I'm not a fan of fanstory.com, but I want to see if their services are worth it. I might be able to learn a lot going through their site, so I think I'm going to give it a try.

Anyway, I'm not uploading anything new on MoaG until something happens to make me feel warm about my readership again. Until then, even if I do work on MoaG, I won't be uploading.

AU vs. Continuation

I've been wanting to write a post about Alternate Universe fics versus continuations fics. Ready? I'm going to go hard.

I think the success of a continuation fic has a great deal to do with how old the fandom is. I used to write contination fics for Slayers and none of them were as successful as my Escaflowne AU fic. I think a lot that has to do with the fact that I was a weaker author back when I was writing Slayers. However, I plan to defend my views. I think there are only so many ways to continue a story that are plausable. So, once a fandom has been around for awhile, naturally most of them are going to get done in one way or another. Basically, the author of the fanfic has to come up with a whole new premise for a story (p.s. I'm not directing my comments at you Jomiel - I think your story has a lot of potental - these are only comments in general). I think people who go read fanfic read a lot of continuation fics and so in order to keep their attention, you have to write something that's freaking different. Personally, I'd rather not chance it anymore. Everything has already been done.

On the other hand, if a story has an unsatisfying ending and the fandom is just blooming - you really have an opportunity to get everyone and their dog reading your story. I haven't read the end of Gokusen yet (cause it's not available), but you better believe that I read tons of continuation fanfiction for it. If I'm reading anything online - I'm reading Gokusen. And I'm one of those darling people who reviews for every single chapter that I read. It's the only way I can stop myself from turning into a gigantic hypocrite.

My favourite online continuation story is called 'Indeterminite Maturity' by misanoe. It's a Gokusen fic and I love it. It's so enjoyable that I sat slapping my knee the whole time. It was so great!

So, alternative universe fics. When I read online, I also like to read AUs. My two favourite fanfics of all time are AUs. One is called 'Owner of a Lonely Heart' by Yugure. It's a Slayers fic where Zel is a vampire. I have as much as the author has written posted on my website. I got her permission - I love it so. My next favourite is called "Wings of Love" by Earth Star. It's the story of Cupid and Psyche with Zel and Amelia - very cute.

Obviously, you have a lot more breathing room when writing AU fics, because you don't have to have any specific knowledge about the series/setting/plot and stuff like that. You can make it up as you go. Of course, making it up sounds easier, but I don't think that's necessarily true. So, I guess it depends what your strengths are. My sister says that she's only creative under tight constrants. If you set her loose and tell her she can do whatever she wants, she's totally lost, but if you give her a budget, a deadline, a direction for the project to take and stuff like that - she'll blow your socks off with what she's able to accomplish. So, for her, writing a continuation fic would probably be easier. So, I think it depends on your personality - are you the sort of person who renovates or the kind of person who starts building fresh? However, I must point out that in order to be a good author - you must be able to do BOTH of these things.

You only need the characters in order to write AU, but it amazes me how many of authors botch this and don't stay true to the characters at all.

As for myself, I don't plan to write another continuation fic as long as I live. I like writing something that's different. Something completely unlike anything anyone in the fandom has read before. Now I'm off to Wild Moon Swings to talk about my AU fics. I've had some musings about my fic lately.

Creative Disputes

Hello. Today I thought I'd talk about the challenge I'm currently having with my book 'Mark of a Goddess'. I'm have a creative dispute with myself. Actually, I really have creative disputes with no one other than myself. I may give advice, but I don't really care what the final decision is if I'm not the one writing it. That may seem cold, but I don't really have the brain room to worry too much about other people's projects. As for receiving creative advice - it's amazing how little of it I'm actually given.

I'm probably scary ~_^!

Anyway, the next chapter of MoaG isn't ready because of one sentence. One sentence is holding me back. Two words, to be precise. Just two words are holding my leash and not letting me run and prance like a country puppy. How twisted! But, I cannot release the chapter until I figure out how I'm going to handle this problem.

First let me define how a creative dispute arises:
1. The chapter is always already written and usually it's already been beta-read.
2. An inconsistancy has come up that I didn't account for in my original storyboards.
3. If no one ever saw the story, I would never notice it, because normally it's pointed out by my beta reader, my best friend, or someone who's reviewed on fanfiction.net. It's not that they notice that there is a problem, because usually the real problem is in a chapter they haven't seen yet, but they foresee a problem that I just didn't see coming (yet another great reason to release one chapter at a time). I have definitely caught a handfull of mistakes because of one specific reader on ff.net.

In this case it was pointed out by my beta-reader and I haven't been able to think of a solution, even though I've been thinking about it steadily for over a week. Grrrr!

So, I've been trying to remember some of the ways that I've solved these sorts of problems in the past.
1. To think about it.
2. To not think about it.
3. Tell the story to myself out loud. This is a great tool. I figure out so many problems this way. Just as a side note I had no idea what I was going to write for an upcoming chapter of MoaG. I just had one line of instruction to go on, and by explaining that part of the story to myself, I was able to come up with something that really worked.
4. Focus on the deadline and write the solution 2 minutes before releasing. How does that saying go? "Desperation is the mother of invention" or something like that. I totally believe in this. So, if I don't come up with something before hand, I'll force myself to figure something out Wednesday night.

If I really do end up working it out on Wednesday evening - I'm crossing my fingers that whatever I release doesn't suck.

Writing with a Partner

This blog was spurred by a comment of algelic's on jomielll's blog. I was about to make a comment on that when I realized that I have a lot to say on the subject, so I'd better write what I think over here and use my own space instead of someone else's.

I'd just like to start out by saying that I've tried to write with other people a couple times and it never works out. Don't get the wrong idea - there has never been any blood spillage or anything like that. It's just that my dedication to the story is always above and beyond my partner's, so the work isn't evenly distributed. If that doesn't bother you, then there's no reason why you shouldn't work with a partner.

Right now, I have two people I work with - my charming beta reader Kaytala (who I love to the moon) and my best friend in real life, who will shortly be introduced as Nightfaux I believe (I named her^^). Nightfaux is my creative consultant and she generally sees my chapters before Kaytala. Both of them stop me from making an ass of myself (it takes BOTH of them).

Kaytala is a gem because she knows how to beta read for me in a way that doesn't make me feel like someone is stepping on my toes. Not an easy thing. I made her take a test before I would let her beta for me because I haven't had good experiences with beta readers in the past. Mostly, they just took too long because they have lives outside my story. But there were other problems too.

The point is - if I had so many problems with a beta reader than how much trouble would I have with a partner? ... Ew!

But, I can definitely see the bonuses. For instance, I suck at writing description and romance, but I'm good at writing action and dialogue (at least that's my analysis of my strengths). So, if I found someone who wanted to write description and romance while I wrote the action and the dialogue - we'd totally have it made. However, I still get the feeling that creative conflicts would arise.

The last thing I want to say on this subject is that I think it would be possible to do a team effort if you saw your partner in person, but if it was someone you only knew online - it wouldn't work - at least not for me. Unless you don't really care how the story turns out.

Side Quests

I feel like a monkey, but these past few days I have been working on my side quest chapter of 'Mark of a Goddess'. I never thought I would be writing a side quest, since generally side quests sort of unnerve me when I read for pleasure. But I've been paying close attention to the process since I've never done it before. Usually, I'm really concentrated, so this was a really new experience for me.

For one thing, I found it was a lot like writing fanfiction for your own work. I had a few characters that were old and two that were new. So, I could lean on the established characters while I concentrated my efforts on the new ones.

I wasn't writing about anything that applied to the main story line so it was also like taking a break from MoaG, which was nice, since I've been nearly tearing my skin off (I want to write Ghost Mist so much!! It BURNS! It BURNS!). It was fun to write in a voice that wasn't Hitomi's. It was a good change.

Let's see, what else did I get out of it? Oh yeah, I got to concentrate on a romance that wasn't Van and Hitomi's. That was a relief as well. It's hard to describe a good relationship when it's as old as Van and Hitomi's without talking about sex directly. I try hard, but I'm not sure how well I do. I suspect that I'm not very good at pulling the old heart strings with romantic rosebuds, which is weird because I always thought that romance was one of my strong points. Lately, I'm discovering that it's not. It's probably because I'm an analytical bag. I've probably spent too many hours listening to debates to be a smooth talker. I'm better at writing the fight scenes - at least that's what I'm getting out of my reviews. Well, some people think I do well at romance, so I shouldn't trash myself too hard. Anyway, my side quest is more heated and it's from a woman's perspective that is much older than Hitomi, so I don't mind getting a little more descriptive. We'll see how well it goes.

I enjoyed the experience. Hopefully, my readers won't be too cheesed about me taking them off the beaten trail for a minute or two.

The Colour of Angst

Okay, so today I'm angst-ridden. Why? Cause I am. I wanted to write about something on my giant list of things I wanted to cover on this blog, but instead I have discovered that I only want to talk about how angsty I'm feeling about my writing. So, why am I feeling angst-ridden? Cause I am. Grrr!

I don't actually have a good reason for being angst-ridden. If I had a good reason, I could talk myself out of it, but seeing how things are ... thibbbit!

Okay, so my story 'Mark of a Goddess' is progressing nicely. At least I think it is. I'm trying to work hard on it so that I can put it behind me and work on 'Ghost Mist', but there's a problem. I keep going back and looking at my old stacks for that story and realizing how much I suck. I think I'm getting dilusions of granduer regarding that whole series. I think I've been thinking in my head that they're better than they are. When really, they're only average ... maybe below average. I asked Kaytala if she thought I was losing my edge and she says 'no', but when I look at my old stuff - I feel crushed. For instance, I can't stand to read the first chapter of 'Dragon's Moon'. I have read and edited that damn chapter at least 200 times and I can't stand to even look at it, but when I glance at it for some reason or other - I'm sickened. Holy crap it sucks! How did anyone even wade through that garbage to get to the better stuff. But I can't edit that chapter again. I've been editing it for years and I'm not going to edit it again unless someone is going to pay me for it.

Then there's 'Ghost Mist'. I feel like this is better. When I cook, I've taken to explaining and telling the plot to myself (since I already know 'Mark of a Goddess' inside out and backwards). And so even though my storyboards are not 100% complete, it feels like I'm seven years old again and I've got two dollars that are burning a hole so deep into my pocket that they're scorching my leg. I want to write it SO badly.

But I really feel like I have no right to complain. 'Mark of a Goddess' is doing well. I've been very blessed with interested fans, and because of my writing, I've been able to make some new friends. So, I really don't have a right to be so angsty. But *whine and bottom lip trembling* I really want to be angsty.