Like a Ghost

So, I said the other day that I was eaten alive on fanstory. Yeah - that's what happened. So, this is my post about the after affects of having my head chewed off.

I still feel like crap.

This time it feels like the wound goes so deep that it doesn't seem like it'll mend very easily. It's not just that, but it's other things too. In the end it amounts to one thing - I'm discouraged.

I've had some really good encouragement on my stories, but when I get chewed into, no one ever comes to my defence. I always have to fight for myself ... and that really hurts me. It's like, where are all those people who thought my story was great? They're no where to be seen.

Lately, I have been thinking about Tolkien a good deal. Maybe because I was power-watching Lord of the Rings or maybe because his name just keeps coming up. For me, he's an important person, because I have no intention of reading his books because I don't admire his writing style, and yet I still admire his imagination and elements of his ideal. He did not get Lord of the Rings published until he was 62 and even then he had serious doubts about whether or not it would be successful. Let me explain my idea about him more thoroughly.

You see, I had the super extended version of The Two Towers and so I was watching the segment about how the screenplay was pulled from the books. In the commentary, one of the writers who worked on it was explaining why they did something different with the character of Faramier (please forgive me if the spelling is wrong - I'm too lazy to look it up). She said that in the book, Faramier didn't want the ring and was an all round decent chap who offered Frodo and Sam tea, and how devestating to the plot that was. She said that Tolkien had spent all this time working to convince everyone that the ring was a dangerous item that could corrupt anyone and because Faramier did not want it than that essentially stripped the ring of all power. So, I was sitting there thinking about this. Tolkien is really legendary, and yet there are people who still rip him up. And you know what - that author was completely right about the change in Faramier's character. The thing is ... Tolkien wrote the way he wanted to.

Tolkien's way of story telling isn't exactly conventional - something like what he wrote would probably get eaten alive by a publishing company now. Each book would probably been trimmed by a hundred pages or more - each.

On the other hand, he has been able to inspire generations and spark the imagination of millions - telling the story exactly the way he wanted to. Is that not writing at it's best?

In my opinion - this is the drawback when there is only one person working on a story - it's going to be imperfect (like Faramier). There's only one perspective (the lonely author's), so it's not going to be perfect. One perspective alone is NOT PERFECT. Thus to attain perfection (not just from a literary standpoint, but also from a marketing standpoint), there needs to be several people working on it. This has been a bridge I have had to cross on more than one occasion - especially about creative consulting. It has come to my attention that I wouldn't work well with a partner. Either I would be a burden around their neck or they would be a burden around mine. There would be no happy ending and the entire creative process would turn into hell for me and them. I work best alone, and it's taken me a long time to learn this.

So, I am still completely deflated. I'm begining to understand that I am two things as an author.
Number One - I'm lazy.
Number Two - I don't care.
I just want to have fun telling my stories. I get better as I go as I make more and more people happy with my work, and if I don't get any better, I at least want to have a good time. But even though I've come to this grand conclusion - I still feel discouraged.